Can A Woman Really Have it All?
Someone asked me this week if I thought we really can have “it all.” My immediate answer was “of course,” but after thinking it over I concluded that it depends on a lot of things. I think three main questions to ask are:
(1) Do you think you can have “it all?”
(2) Do you have a clear definition of what “it all” is?
(3) are you willing to change your definition of “it all” as you life changes?
In my opinion, the answer of whether or not you can have “it all” has to vary from person to person because we are so different, and everyone has a differing definition of “it all.” In fact, I believe that even the same person’s definition of “it all” varies over their life. Most babies believe they have “it all” when they are in the arms of their mommy enjoying a good meal. That’s all it takes. But as that baby matures, their definitions become more complex and finding “it all” becomes increasingly a private matter.
I have learned a lot of important life lessons during my search for “it all.” It began when I was a teenager, when to have “it all” meant having my own room, and being on the “A” basketball team at school. And, yes, I achieved those goals and had “it all.” At least for a little while. Because the first lesson I learned about having “it all” is that as soon as you get “it all,” you want more!
In High School, I thought I only needed one thing to have “it all.” I wanted so badly to be a member of the singing club; I finally worked up the nerve to audition, despite the fact that no one had ever told me I had a special singing talent or that my voice was unique. At least until my audition, when the director of the club had no problem telling me how little talent I had! When I didn’t make the membership, I learned if my definition of having “it all” means having something that isn’t a god-given gift, I will always be. However, if I choose to pursue goals that fit with the talents I have, the chance to have “it all” is unlimited.
In college, my quest for “it all” became more mercenary: a great job, a car, the grades I needed to be “sellable” after graduation. As I started my career, these goals expanded to include more and more “stuff”: a house, nicer car, better job…the list went on and on.
About two years ago, I moved in to the states, I thought I was really getting somewhere. I was making more money than I ever had before (and, I might add, spending more money, too…) I remember one evening I was on m first real vacation since getting a job, and was feeling pretty proud of myself. I was dining in a very nice restaurant, enjoying my Friends Company, good food, and drinks. I was doing a great job of congratulating myself for all I’ve achieved. In my mind, that night I actually had “it all.”
Well, life has really a sense of humor, because two weeks after I returned from vacation “it all” went up in smoke when my aunt died from cancer. I quickly learned another lesson: if having “it all” is reliant on circumstances outside our control, we can easily be disappointed.
So began adventurous year where I started taking pharmacy technician classes, changed career, and started a new life; always in search of a new and improved definition of “it all”. In the process, I’ve learned some more important lessons.
Most importantly, I’ve learned that the best “all” I can strive for is in my head. I can’t lie: money, a nice house, clothes, cars and jobs are important to me, but they are easily lost. Tony Robbins has often said that there is nothing in life you can control except the way that you perceive things. And, in order to place a positive perception on any circumstance that comes my way, I’ve learned that I must do three things:
First, I must be at peace with myself; comfortable that I am always doing the very best that I can with the hand life have dealt me.
Second, I must be happy and secure in my relationships with those closest to me: with my relatives, friends, family, and especially with God.
Finally, third, I must be constantly growing and improving; always trying to learn just a little bit more. For me, when I can achieve those three things on a consistent basis, I believe I really will have “it all.”
Since every person is different, I can’t tell you what it will take for you to have “it all.” But I do know that if you keep looking for the answers, the lessons you learn during your life will guide you until you, too will find the answer. Always continue to ask: Do you think you can have “it all?” Do you have a clear definition of what “it all” is? Are you willing to change your definition of “it all” as your life changes? If so, I’m positive that you will not only achieve “it all,” but have a great time in the process—Yes, we can have it all!