12 March 2011
I don’t really know where to start; I have so many unorganized thoughts in my head…
The meaning of home changed so many times during the time I’ve been living here in the U.S, when I first came here 7 years ago, Jordan was the only place I want to be! I hated it here! I just hated it, although my mom, dad, and brothers were all here at the time, I just wanted to go back to Jordan, where my friends and cousins are.
Later things felt a little better, and I started to get used to life style here, but there wasn’t a day I wouldn’t think of Jordan and my friends in Jordan, and how amazing it would be if I just can go back “home”!
Years later, I met Samer, and he was as homesick as I was, and I felt like I just found my little piece of Jordan that I was looking for.
After we got married and specially after I got pregnant with Mira, I wasn’t feeling as homesick any more, in fact and to be honest, I wasn’t feeling homesick at all, I didn’t even feel the need to go to Jordan anymore, all the people I love are in one place, what else do I need? That’s what I thought up to last year.
“Home is where your family is”…. Add to that, “dead or alive”
Before my dad passed away, he asked all of us to bury him in Jordan, the process wasn’t easy at all, but we respected his wish and my mom and brothers flew back to Amman with baba’s body.
The moment his body left the U.S I felt homesick again, I wish I was there to visit his grave, to read “Al-Fateha” for him right there, I think about that every day, it’s the first thing I’m going to do when I visit Amman.
Jordan for me is not the sand, the buildings, the streets, it’s not the mountains and rocks, it’s the emotional part of it, it’s the family I miss, it’s my father’s grave, and that will never change!
I miss you Jordan, I miss you baba, Allah yerhamak…