Maioush

I’ve never been a morning person, and I hate waking up early in the morning, I’ve always enjoyed staying up all night to do whatever I have to do, back in school days I used to study at night, my classes never started before 11:00am, that was my way of living for a long time.

And because I don’t really sleep at night, I managed to go to work some days without sleeping, or what happens most of the time, I would get 2 hours of sleep, and I usually can go like this for a week (but don’t try to wake me up on Saturday morning.. LOOOOOOOOOL)

On Wednesday, we had an early morning program with the doctors at work, and when I say early I mean we start at 6:00am.

I couldn’t go to sleep that night, although I tried really hard to go to bed around 11:00pm, but instead, I stayed awake until 4:00am doing nothing but staring at the sealing, so I decided to get up from my bed a little earlier, took a shower, dried my hair, hmmmm.. What should I wear??? Ok I’ll go with my gray pants and my off pink jacket (is there such a color called off pink??, well its baby pink but its darker than the regular baby pink :D I don’t know what else to call it LOOOOL) , yalla Mai.. coffee, out of the house.

I was really cranky when I got in the car, I’m really sleepy, and for god’s sake… it’s still dark.. and I’m already off to work!!! Tayeb lets see, it’s really early… Fairouz will make my morning go easier as she always does :) …

Nassam 3alaina el hawa, mn mafra2 el wadi.. ya hawa dakhl el hawa khedni 3ala bladi

Fez3aneh ya albi, ekbar be hal ‘3erbeh, o ma ba3refni blady, khedni, khedni 3ala bladi

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfuoDGJN1kI]

ya Allaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, that’s the last thing I want to hear, great… now my eyes are full of tears.. I really miss Jordan these days, I miss my friends, my relatives, and most of all, I really want to see my Teata :( …

Me and myself… (it’s ok I’m a Gemini :D don’t worry this is normal LOOOOOL)

-Waleh Mai, pick yourself up and think about something positive, look at the full part of the cup.

-what full cup walek, your cup is almost empty, I can barley see anything, I miss everybody, I need a vacation, I really need one, I was ready for one.

-So??? Things change, deal with it, that’s life, yalla yalla bala dala3, don’t be silly, pray for your grandmother, and pray for your mom to have the strength to deal with all this.

-Yeah.. You’re right “God help us all and give us the strength, the handle all this, and bless my grandmother and give her the strength so she can take the pain”

 I’m not feeling as blue as this post might show, it was just the first 2 hours of that day, everything went just fine, the program went great, and life goes on (Dima, sorry I used your expression dear :) )

I don’t like Tags, I really don’t know how to answer it, I did it just for Nido :) … so here we go…

* After you die what’s going to happen to your e-mail?
-Do they have internet in death world??? I guess not.. so I don’t really care.

* Have you ever given your password to anyone?
-I don’t remember, yeah I guess so. Its no big deal for me, I give it…I change it later on :)
* What kind of a relationship you have with those?
-What? …  Who?

* Your name?
-Seriously????

* Your age?
-I will be 26 next may.

* Your horoscope?
-Gemini

* Education?
-B.S in Management Information System, and a licensed Pharmacy Technician.

* What kind of personality do you have?
-Talkative, friendly, very moody.

* Define traveling.
-A way to go from place to another.

* What’s your mood?
-Happy most of the time but when I’m down… I’m DOWN.

* What do you do in your spare time?
-Dance, watch TV… and once in a blue moon, SLEEP.

* Favorite food?
-Mlookhyeh, YUM YUM … :D

* Things you inherited from your father?
-Stubbornness, patience.

* Things you inherited from your mother?
– The ability to handle stress, clear mind, and hands :) .

* 6 things you hate?
-Double faced people, fast (junk) food, the smell of cigarettes, strong perfumes for girls, heavy makeup, and traffic.

* 6 things you love?
-Jordan, dancing, music, honesty, being around people (fun ones), and coffee.

* Define work.
-Experience.

* Define computer and Internet.
-People can’t function with out them any more.

Strong women are those that know the road ahead will be strewn with obstacles, but they choose to walk it because it’s the right one.

Strong women are those that make mistakes, admit to them, learn from that failure and then use that knowledge.

Strong women hurt, but they still extend their hearts and hands, knowing the risk and accepting the pain when it comes.

Strong women are sometimes beat down by life, but they still climb back up and move forward again.

Strong women are afraid. They face the fear and move ahead to the future as uncertain as it can be.

Strong women are not those that succeed the first time. They’re the ones who fail time and again, but still keep trying.

Strong women face the daily trials of life, sometimes with a tear, but always with their heads high as each new day dawns.

Strong women are not perfect and they aren’t afraid to cry. They pick themselves up when they’re knocked down and start over.

The easiest route doesn’t always make us the best we can be. A strong woman can tell you that.

Respect her.

Honor her.

Embrace her as a friend.

Appreciate her in your life.

And remember to tell her “thank you” for being part of your day.

So tonight was the Oscars night hosted by Ellen DeGeneres, she was extremely funny, she gave the Oscars a special taste this year, I loved Jon Stewart last year, but this year was different :)I spent the whole evening watching the Oscars, not because I wanted to as much as I didn’t have any thing else to do :)Any way, I decided to post this as an overview about the winners, and girls… I have some photos for some of the dresses, I’m not a fashion expert but I have an opinion about some of them :D

Here is an overview about the night:

1.Best Actress:Helen Mirren for her rule in “The Queen”

1.Best Actor: Forest Whitaker for his rule in “The Last King Of Scotland”

1.Best Supporting Actress: Jennifer Hudson for her rule in “Dream Girls”Jennefer had her jewels from Fred Leighton jazz things up with some “Effie” spirit.I hated the style, there is NO NEED fir the little jacket at all, and come on.. Pockets in a gown? She went too far…

1.Best Supporting Actor:Alan Arkin for his rule in “Little Miss Sunshine”

Now for the part I always wait every year… the dresses :D …

As I said, I’m not a fashion expert, but let’s take a look at few dresses; from the one o like the most to the one I like the least :)

	REESE WITHERSPOON in Olivier Theyskens for Nina Ricci with jewels from Van Cleef & Arpels.I LOVE LOVE LOVE her dress, very simple, the color is not very common, the details in it are very very beautiful, with straight sexy hair which she just let it down to match the strapless dress, WOW, very elegant, very cute :)
	JENNIFER LOPEZ wears a Marchesa gown with Lorraine Schwartz jewelry.Jennifer looked like a roman goddess tonight.. these kind of colors had been her choice always it goes so good with her skin color, I really loved her dress, the jewelry came with it, so no need for any, hair style was very cute with the whole style, loved it.
	CELINE DION wears a vintage James Galanos from Lilly et Cie on the red carpet, accented with De Grisogono cuff and jewels from Van Cleef & Arpels.The green she was wearing is just stunning, I adore this color on gowns, a little jewelry on the side made the dress perfect, she always had a great taste, very elegant , hair down, she looked very beauriful…
	NICOLE KIDMAN on the red carpet in Balenciaga.Every year Nicole proofs that a woman can wear any color and look PERFECT.. I loved the idea of the dress, very classy style for Nicole as always, she looks good what ever she does.
	JESSICA BIEL in a gown by Oscar de la Renta, and jewelry from Neil Lane.Very simple, not too much of any thing, this is something you might see in an occasion this next summer, cute and simple.
	GWYNETH PALTROW wears a Zac Posen gown.Gwyneth Paltrow.She had the 30’s look wich I really like, hair on the side which match the 30’s look as well, nice.
	CATE BLANCHETT in Giorgio Armani Privé – a silver one-shoulder Swarovski crystal mesh gown with tulle overlay and jet black paillette floral motif. Jewelry from Lorraine Schwartz.The little details in this dress are just stunning, what I like about this dress that it can actually match a darker skin too, very nice.
	PENELOPE CRUZ in a blush colored strapless Atelier Versace gown. The bustier is made from silk chiffon and the skirt is silk chiffon, organza and tulle. Her jewels are courtesy of Chopard and evening clutch from Daniel Swarovski.I’m not sure if I like this dress, it’s a little too much, I didn’t get the idea with the duck project down there, Hmmm, no I don’t really like it.

ok… its getting really late now, and tomorrow is Monday, I hate Mondays.. yalla Good Night Ana, and you you guys enjoy :D

Are you scared of giving? Or are you willing to give love? And if you are the second kind, do you love someone to make that person happy or to make yourself happy? Do you prefer to love or do you prefer to be loved? Is love selfish after all? Or are we doing it for the fear of rejection? Hhmmm.. Why am I asking all these weird questions???

When you love someone you are actually satisfying yourself first, you are making yourself happy by giving that person your love, care, and attention, and at the same time the other person is happy by allowing you to love him/her. (What a weird statement I came up with)!!!

Now, what about the people who prefer to be loved? Are they willing to give that love, care and attention as well? Or do they like to be the center of attention all the time? Are they really happy with all the love the person is giving?

Sometimes the way someone shows love is not what makes their partner feel loved. For example, one person may show love by looking after their partner’s practical needs, when what the partner longs for is a hug and tender words. So you can be the best person you can be and still not enough.

Are giving all the love we have to the one we love because we are afraid of rejection? But rejection is painless, unless you make it hurt. (oh my god another weird statement) What if you stopped giving the same way you do at some point for whatever reason? Are you going to lose that person? So this is a matter of security as well?  ….

Wait a minute… am I over analyzing things here? AAAHHHH I don’t know where is this going… What am I talking about? Where was I in the first place? Ah, to love or to be loved…

Let me try this… Why can’t it be both? What’s wrong with the fact that you can actually love and be loved at the same time?? That’s it… That’s what I’m looking for… To Love AND To Be Loved

You can’t give so much love to someone unless that someone loves you back, that’s what relationships are about, to love and to be loved back, the feeling is so fulfilling, it is satisfying.
To love and be loved is magical, real, and it is one of the happiest feelings in the world.

You can’t separate it, you can’t take each one individual and think about it like that, you can’t choose.

you have to love AND be loved not OR…

Remember when I told you that I drive 110mph? I wasn’t lying because this morning I got caught, but this time it was 84mph.I don’t know what is it about February, all I know that I always hated it, and this year I got the proof for it.

I was late for work because the traffic was VERY BAD on the freeway, well… its Friday and it’s been always like that on Fridays.

So… after I passed 605, freeway as wide open and since I was already late I didn’t hesitate to speed so I can catch up with the time I wasted while I was stuck, after passing number of cares, I got surprised with a cop driving right next to me with his lights on, asking me to pull over.

• You were driving waaaaaaay so fast Miss.
• I’m sorry I didn’t notice my speed. (Zai elli 3an jad).
• Licenses and registration please.
• (In my head) “Ya mesta3jel 3attalak Allah”, sure sir (kolli adab 3ala asas).
• You have to learn how to slow down Miss “Mai is it?”
• Sorry sir but this my first ticket ever, I don’t usually speed. (Ma akzabniii).
• Well, you were going too fast, and you will get a ticket for that, here is your copy of it, and you have to go to court if you want to fight on this date.
• (wala fight it wala bateekh), ok thank you can I go now?
• Sure, make sure to put your seatbelt and merge when its safe
• Ok

Aaakkkhhh, I am so pissed off, I know I know, some people are saying in their head now “I told you so”, ” I told you not to speed”, “you deserve it, I have no sympathy for you”, Tayeb Tayeb, ok I know all that, I get paying a HUGE amount of money is enough punishment.

With all the drama that has been going on lately, I couldn’t hold my self from posting this.A just got engaged recently, we were so happy for her, she is a good girl and deserves the best, she hugged me and said: “make sure when you decide to get married to be with someone who loves you more than you do”

I didn’t make a comment on that statement but in my head I was like what on earth is she talking about???

“You should be with a guy who loves you more than you do“ How true is that statement?

Later on, I had a discussion with N about what A told me on the pharmacy, and simply her reaction was “of course, any girl should marry a guy who loves her more than she does, she is totally right, the smartest thing to do, you should do that too”…

 Ahhh, Hellooooo…  is it me or all of this is nonsense?

-But N, things don’t go like that, I mean it goes both ways, this is a relationship not a race!!

-Mai, I’m telling you, listen to me, believe me it’s the right thing to do, if you want to be happy be with some one who loves you more than you do, if you love him more than he does, he will take advantage of it and step over you.

_Oh my god, what are talking about? Am I going to war or something? Step over me, and take advantage of it, this is suppose to be the person I love.

Seriously now, if girls think that way, that means that guys also look for a girl who love them more than they do right? So it goes both ways.

Aren’t relationships in general not only love and marriage about balance? Both parties work on making this relationship as good as they can, they communicate, agree, disagree, and forgive each other.

When you say that he loves you more than you do, what do you actually mean by that? Does it give you the ability to leave that person hen you don’t feel like it any more? Or does it mean that you actually hurt that person without any feeling of guilt? Or you do what ever you think regardless what he thinks? And most importantly, what kind of relationship is this…

Sometimes I feel like I’m from another planet when I hear this stupidity, am I normal or people are going crazy around me, I was the only one who was surprised by that fact, everyone around me were agreeing with A and N!!! Duh

I don’t know, I really don’t know

I wanted to post this for a while but I hesitated since my mom will read this and I didn’t want her to know this way. But now she knows.

My grandmother has cancer… bone cancer, so far its spread in her right shoulder, pelvic (hip), rips, back, and skull, these parts are broken, it’s advanced already.

Currently she is under a lot of pain killers, because bone cancer is the most painful cancer among all cancers, the bones starts to break one by one in tiny  small pieces, which is extremely painful, my grandfather (who happened to be her husband) died from it.

I feel so sad, nonstop crying since yesterday, I know I should be stronger than this, its god’s well, and I understand that (La Elaha Ella Allah Wa La 7awla Wala Qowata Ella Bellah), but I still feel very bad, being away from all the people you love in such a situation is extremely hard, I feel that I’m totally alone, I want to hold someone and cry, jus cry, maybe the pain inside me will go away, I wish I can see her, but instead I canceled my trip to Jordan, because thigs got so complicated.

All I need is your prayers for her, a lot of prayers, so she can take the pain, that’s all what we can do at this point, she really needs that, prayers.

Update 

 Thank you Qwaider…

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

المعز الكريم..الشافى العافى المعين..
اللهم إنا نسألك بعزك الذى لا يرام و نور وجهك الذى لا يضام..
اللهم انا نعلم انه لا شافى الا انت و لا نافع بحق الا انت و لا مدبر لشىء فى هذا الكون الا انت..
اللهم انا نسألك باسمك الطيب ..يا ودود..يا ودود ..يا ذا العرش المجيد ..يا فعال لما تريد..
ان تشفها شفاء لا يغادر سقما وان ترحمها و تهون عليها و تعينها و تعين اهلها و كل احبائها..
اللهم انها امتك ،بنت عبدك، بنت امتك..ناصيتها بيدك راضية بقضائك..ماض فيها حكمك.. فلا رحيم الا انت و لا مغيث الا انت..

يا مغيث اغثها..يا مغيث اغثها ..يا مغيث اغثها..
و الحمد لله على كل حال و الصلاة على نبيك المصطفى و السلام..

قولوا آآمين

Today I’m not in a good mood; I haven’t been able to sleep for the whole week although I’m so sleepy, my whole body hurts because the lack of sleep.
I don’t feel like food (as usual), I’m not in the mood to do any thing, I just want to set and listen to music all day long, or else, if I can… JUST SLEEP that would be good.
I tried not to drink coffee today, I know that I drink a huge amount of coffee at work, but since today is Saturday, I will not drink any, I gave my self a headache, god like I need that too!!!
Whatever…!!!

 I don’t understand

Why we can’t have differences without hatred.

Why we can’t have disagreements without belittlements.

Why we can’t love a higher spirit, but each in our own way.

Why we can’t feed the homeless but can rebuild the world.

Why we can’t find charity for our neighbors but can pray for a stranger.

Why we can’t see our own faults but can so easily find them in others.

Why we can’t see the good but so readily point out the bad.

I don’t understand

Why love doesn’t return the gift of generosity.

Why we profess to value honesty then lie to protect ourselves.

Why success can’t be won without deceit.

Why we abuse the world but cherish possessions.

Why what people say isn’t what they mean.

I don’t understand

Why we complain more about what we don’t have instead of seeing what we’ve already been given.

Why we want so much when it’s usually the simple things that make us happy.

Why we try to be someone and something we aren’t instead of celebrating who we truly are.

Why we aren’t more thankful for the people in our lives instead of the things in our lives.