Most men are deeply offended by insincerity, and deeply disturbed by incongruity – for example, if we’re mad, but we smile and act nice – our behavior on the outside doesn’t match what we’re feeling on the inside. They can feel our anger, and the smile just reads “fake”. They think they can’t trust us.
They think we’re trying to control them. And a lot of the time, they’re right! We are trying to control things.
Often, we want things to go a certain way. We want to get to the party on time. We want to see that movie, or go to that restaurant. We want him to behave the way we want him to behave. And we want it now. We want the relationship all tied up nice in a bow and forever after. And we need to know. Now.
What if the way to getting what you want isn’t by asking for what you want?
What if the way to getting what you want is a way you’ve never even heard of?
Most of us say we’d do anything for love, and yet, all our actions and words seem to only push it away.
Every one of us is pushing away love in some way – because we’re all afraid of really getting close to a man and letting him see who we really are. We’re afraid of intimacy
And we all do it – push love away – in different ways.
Some of us talk a lot. We never stop talking, never really listen, and always have something to say. We talk so much because we’re nervous about what would happen if we stopped talking. If we stopped talking, he’d really see us as we believe we are – not really good enough on the inside.
The truth is, most of us women process our thoughts and feelings verbally. We say what comes to mind and sort of download it all in words.
This is really confusing for men. They get lost and frustrated because our talking seems like endless chatter to them.
And we spend a lot of time feeling as if we haven’t been heard.
And we haven’t.
If I were to ask you, to think of words and body language as either magnets to draw in a man, or fists to push him away, what would you tell me?
Would you say that you just want to be yourself and act “natural” and be “spontaneous?”
It would be great if saying what ever comes to mind could make us man magnets – and yet – it just doesn’t work that way.
And it’s not because being “spontaneous” and “natural” isn’t attractive to men – it is!
It’s because what we think of as “spontaneous,” “natural,” and “being ourselves” is most often really only our old nervous patterns (the ones that have never worked) coming up again, over and over.
And these old words and patterns actually keep love away!
To be continued on part 2…
