What Men Really Mean (Humor)

1. “Let’s take your car.” Really means…. “Mine is full of soda cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas.”
2. “It’s a guy thing.” Really means…. “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”
3. “Can I help with dinner?” Really means…. “Why isn’t it already on the table?”
4. “Uh huh,” “Sure, honey,” or “Yes, dear.” Really mean…. Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response like Pavlov’s dog drooling.
5. “Good idea.” Really means…. “It’ll never work. And I’ll spend the rest of the day gloating.”
6. “Have you lost weight?” Really means…. “I’ve just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill.”
7. “It would take too long to explain.” Really means…. “I have no idea how it works.”
8. “I’m getting more exercise lately.” Really means…. “The batteries in the remote are dead.”
9. “We’re going to be late.” Really means…. “Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.”
10. “Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.” Really means…. “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”
11. “That’s interesting, dear.” Really means…. “Are you still talking?”
12. “Honey, we don’t need material things to prove our love.” Really means…. “I forgot our anniversary again.”
13. “It’s a really good movie.” Really means…. “It’s got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear.”
14. “That’s women’s work.” Really means…. “It’s difficult, dirty, and thankless.”
15. “Go ask your mother.” Really means…. “I am incapable of making a decision.”
16. “You know how bad my memory is.” Really means…. “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”
17. “I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses.” Really means…. “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”
18. “Football is a man’s game.” Really means…. “Women are generally too smart to play it.”
19. “I do help around the house.” Really means…. “I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket.”
20. “Hey, I’ve got my reasons for what I’m doing.” Really means…. “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”
21. “I can’t find it.” Really means…. “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”
22. “What did I do this time?” Really means…. “What did you catch me at?”
23. “She’s one of those rabid feminists.” Really means…. “She refused to make my coffee.”
24. “No, I left plenty of gas in the car.” Really means…. “You may actually get it to start.”
25. “I heard you.” Really means…. “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”
26. “You know I could never love anyone else.” Really means…. “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”
27. “You look terrific.” Really means…. “Oh, God, please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.”
28. “I brought you a present.” Really means…. “It was free ice scraper night at the ball game.”
29. “I missed you.” Really means…. “I can’t find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper.”
30. “I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are.” Really means…. “No one will ever see us alive again.”
31. “We share the housework.” Really means…. “I make the messes, she cleans them up.”
32. “This relationship is getting too serious.” Really means…. “I like you more than my car.”
33. “Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful.” Really means…. “Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?”
34. “I don’t need to read the instructions.” Really means…. “I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.”
35. “I’ll fix the garbage disposal later.” Really means…. “If I wait long enough you’ll get frustrated and buy a new one.”
36. “I broke up with her.” Really means…. “She dumped me.”
37. “I’ll take you to a fancy restaurant.” Really means…. “Someplace that doesn’t have a drive-thru window.”


20 Responses to “What Men Really Mean (Humor)”

  1. chikapappi Says:

    Men… a mystery! God help us!

  2. Qwaider قويدر Says:

    Wil fadi … bye3mel … lists! :)

  3. Maioush Says:

    Chika:
    LOL! thay are so simple walahi :D

    Qwaider:
    HEY!! it took me a week to finish that! ashoofak o enta betrod :D ..

  4. Qwaider قويدر Says:

    You want me to write a similar list on what the women want to really say when they say
    “YES”
    And that’s one word!
    Yes, means anything from yes to just about anything in the world

  5. Adoosh Says:

    LOOOL that was really funny.. great effort :D

    Ba3ed eznak Q, I’ll take the honor of making the opposite list, ideas are already jumping in my head :D

  6. Qabbani Says:

    i guess u mix with strange men :D

    to make such list

  7. Maioush Says:

    Qwaider:
    Q ya Q … don’t you love us man :D see, a simple word like yes can mean so many things, sho bedak a7la mn heak? :) we give you guys something to think about! LOL!

    Adoosh:
    LOOOOOOOOOOOOL so you are the one who is taking over this time? :D
    I’m sure doesn’t mind, let’s see what you got :D

    Qabbani:
    Strange? Man as far as I know they are so normal! :)

  8. Simply Me Says:

    27. “You look terrific.” Really means…. “Oh, God, please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.”..
    So true .. haha! I drive my hubby crazy every time we want to go out, i have a thing with deciding what to wear, I even prefer to think about it or make up my mind a day earlier so that it would be easier and we’d leave on time.. !!! So everytime we’re late, he always blames me.. and now he just says you look great, im waiting out.. :$

  9. Oriental Arabesque Says:

    LOOOOL! those were awesome and so true ya Maioush…
    those are my favorite: :D

    16. “You know how bad my memory is.” Really means…. “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”

    32. “This relationship is getting too serious.” Really means…. “I like you more than my car.”

    36. “I broke up with her.” Really means…. “She dumped me.”

  10. wonders Says:

    Good job girl!! you really cracked me up :) looooooooooooool

  11. Ola Says:

    LOOOOOOOOOOL absolutely hilarious!!

    That’s my favorite:

    23. “She’s one of those rabid feminists.” Really means…. “She refused to make my coffee.”

  12. while we are on the subject of men… « No more wondering Says:

    […] along with Adoosh who has taken the pledge of writing the respond so it is still not published to Maioush. Oriental Arabesque is taking part as well, and little ol’ me has moved in […]

  13. Qabbani Says:

    LOOOL

    okay then me the strange or 7ashash

  14. Adoosh: What Women Really Mean Says:

    […] a reply to Maioush’s post of “What Men Really Mean, here’s the list of what women really mean:1. “I’ll be ready in 5 minutes” […]

  15. Hani Obaid Says:

    Thanks, this cracked me up.
    about #13, heather locklear ? she’s 46 years old. When did you make this list ?
    :)

  16. sel3 Says:

    wow that’s one big list! I didn’t read all of it but the parts I read were funny, good one Maioush, let’s see what the guys will have to reply.

  17. Maher Says:

    Sho haad?! meen weeen betjebe el 7ake ente? OMG! walek OMG! may GOD be with him…!

    PS : #33 is so true!

  18. afaf Says:

    someone woke up on the right side of the bed today….really, inshalla dayman, ya miaoush!!

  19. nido Says:

    7. “It would take too long to explain.” Really means…. “I have no idea how it works.”
    Typical!! hehehe…I love the list! ta7sheeesh waleh gada3a!!

  20. bakkouz Says:

    In my case, “It’s a really good movie.” Really means…. It’s got guns, knives, fast cars, and Angelina Jolie :P

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