The Myth of the Evil Stepmother

A friend of mine who just started reading my blog wanted to share her story on my blog, she shared on her facebook and emailed me asking if I can post it on my blog for her, I loved it and wanted to share it with the rest of you as I know that our blogsphere is not used to these kind of posts, she lives a special situation a lot of us might not understand, she is a friend to our family and I met her a year back when she first came to Seattle, a newlywed mom as we call her here, a nice lady from Jordan trying to start a family here in the states….

Her story in her own words:

“” wkqstAs a little girl I watched with starry eyes the stories of princesses. Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow white, and I loved these stories and were dreaming about the day I will meet my prince the same way they did, to become this princess or queen in the end of the story. As a little girl, that is what I pictured.

Fast-forward ten years and here I am, not the princess or even the queen, I’m the *gasp* STEPMOTHER.

No little girl every aspires to be a stepmother. Not many of us enter the dating world thinking, “I’m going to find me a divorced man with kids.” But sometimes God has other plans for us.

There are bad people everywhere. There are bad parents of all sorts. But man, do stepmothers get the bad rap. And the truth is, a lot of us were not the other woman, are very much in love with our husbands and would go to the ends of the earth for our stepchildren. We often work harder to raise our stepchildren than our own children because it is so much harder to be a stepparent. AND we fight harder to keep our marriages together because we know the statistics on second-marriages and we have far many more forces working against us than the typical couple.

I’m ashamed to admit it, but sometimes I am embarrassed to admit I am a stepmom. Not because I don’t love my step son, but because there are some days when I simply lack the energy to deal with the “Oh’s” and inevitable “So how do you get along with the boy?” line of questioning. These exchanges always leave me clammering to prove that I’m really the good one, because let’s face it, whenever someone finds out you’re a stepmom, they immediately look at you sideways and dig for information so you can explain yourself. tremaine

Here’s my beef: I never tried to replace my stepsons’ mom. I didn’t insert myself into her place and push her out—I filled in where she chose to leave. I have spent more time with her child over the past 2 years than she has. I took my stepson pants to school when he wet himself in Kindergarten. I wiped his tears on his first day of school last year when he was extremely scared to go. I helped him learn how to read. I stayed up so many night when he got his tonsils removed while he was crying from pain. Despite all of this, I am a second class citizen. People look at me sideways simply because I am the stepmom. They assume she loves them more. They assume I don’t love him at all. They treat me like I threaten his very parenthood.

 

I know it is all going to be okay in the end. I know that people have no clue what kind of bond I have with my stepson. I know what they think doesn’t really matter. I’m just feeling down in the dumps about it all today…..

I’m waiting for Disney to step up to the plate and make that loveable animated feature where the stepmom is the good guy. What do you think the chances are that they will ever depict a divorced family where the BM is psycho? I realize it isn’t very Hollywood, but it is very real for a lot of us. I would love to hear new script ideas……””


9 Responses to “The Myth of the Evil Stepmother”

  1. StepMom Magazine Says:

    Well said. Hundreds of women subscribe to our magazine because they feel exactly the same way. We have a lot of work to do in changing society and the lack of understanding and awareness about stepparenting. And Disney? Don’t even get us started. Best wishes to you. Keep up the hard work.

  2. Dawn Says:

    Dear “not a stepmom”
    I just wanted to say, you’re a very good person, actually you’re more than that.
    I can’t tell you to ignore the OH’s and the annoying questions, but at the end of day filter what matters, your husband and your stepson. And I’m very sure they love you dearly.
    I don’t know how to make you feel better, I don’t know how to say this: but you are the type of person whom I would trust with my own kids.

  3. whisper Says:

    Good for you Maioush friend

    what I’m afraid off when a divorced man with a child come to our house, is the father not the child

    I love children and I know that I will find a way to deal with them and eventually they will love me too, because as u said you shouldn’t try to fill the real mom place

    I’m afraid of the comparison,maybe this is wrong but this is what cross my mind every time :S

    My close friend is stepmother and she is wonderful such like you :D

    allah yegzekee kull el5air :)

  4. afaf Says:

    i guess ur friend, is doing a great job with the kid, it is enough she took over where the mom left and took that little kid in like her own, loved him, took care of him, cuddled with him and wiped his tears and shared a laughter…this is where kids need mom most…
    it doesnot matter what ppl think or say of a stepmom, titles donot matter what really matters is how we deal as human…u can never please all ppl nomatter what u do, dear…just tell ur friend to hang in there, soon, all ppl around her will see the real gem she is…
    i know she is a true gem, cuz i was told so, by a friend who happend to marry someone really special!!
    from my own experience, when i first married my husband, my family was worried that he would not treat my kid good, but now after 3 yrs, they know and have peace that he is as good as his real dad…if not better!!! we just need to look deep!!!

  5. SMom Says:

    StepMom Magazine:
    Thank you so much for your support

    Dawn:
    Thank you for your sweet words, it’ means a lot to me.

    Whisper:
    It’s one of the problems for sure, dealing with the father is not as easy as I thought, but as far as the comparison, you feel that way when you first get married, after a while it barely crosses your mind as people are different, and it will make it harder for you to deal with.
    My wished for you is to find a guys with no package so you can start your life normally :)

    Afaf:
    Thank you very much for the support, I have my ups and downs, I’m sure you understand, it takes time, but I know deep in my heart that things will be fine eventually.

  6. afaf Says:

    u know, i always keep an eye on my hubby, when dealing with my kid, but i know he loves him so much like his own, and i know he means his best when discipline him…it is enough that when my kid cries for missing his real dad, my hubby cries with him, saying “he is right, it is sad to miss ur dad!!”…so it is ok if someone second guesses a Step parent, it is ok, it is our nature, soon they will know the real person they deal with…hang in there…
    inshalla all will be fine with ur friend, dear….

  7. KJ Says:

    It must be terrible. The images we get that yes, step moms and the in laws are always terrible forces and the butt of most jokes. Though more often than not they’re as normal and decent as any other person!

    Good luck step mom, but know that you should be very proud of yourself for all your efforts

  8. miss_sealover Says:

    I guess it is the relationship with your son, and he is your son, and not step son, is what counts, ppl will never stop talking about any thnig, so just think how to forget the word stepson, the mother is the one who raises, not the one who gives birth, when u believe that,ur son will, and all the other ppl too

  9. anonymous Says:

    In real life, the stepfathers are the evil ones.

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