Maioush

It’s been ages since I wrote in this blog, I had so much to share but I just didn’t want to write anything after my last post, I just open it and stare at my post about praying for my father (Allah yer7amo) and kinda live the dream of him being alive for few moments, it still feels like a bad dream, everything just happened so fast.

My father (Allah yer7amo) left us on New Year’s morning, exactly 1 year after he was diagnosed with cancer, he lost the battle so fast, his body got weaker and weaker until he eventually gave up.

People keep on telling me stories about how other people (some time younger ones) died because of cancer, my father (Allah yer7amo) was only 55 when he left us, and my answer always is (kol wa7ad waja3o boja3o) I’m sure the families of those people are not singing and dancing either.

Other people keep on telling me that it will get better as time goes by, truth is it hurts more and more as time goes by, I miss him more and more every day, I’ve been in denial for the past 2 months, but after spending some time with my mom in our house, I miss him soooooo much, I miss him coming back from work, I miss him going out in the backyard for a smoke, I miss him laying on that couch in front of the TV, I miss his place in the dining table, I miss his voice, his look, I miss listening to him pray and read Quran , I miss him smelling his perfume and after shave, every morning when I wake up.

No words can describe what I’m going through, no one will understand what I feel, unless you lost a parent, you won’t really know how heart breaking and painful this is.

My one and only wish was to see him even for 1 day before he left, I wanted to show him my daughter, I wanted him to say (Athan)) in her ear, I wanted him to hold her even for one minute and tell him that you are a seedo now, this is your first granddaughter,  he left us when Mira was only 6 days old, he didn’t get the chance to see her or hold her, it really breaks my heart.

Baba, I miss you so much, I just hope and pray for god that you are much much happier where you are now, may god rest your soul in peace and open all heaven doors for you. I ask almighty god to let you rest in peace.

After 2 serious surgeries, my dad is in a lot of pain, they stopped his treatment for cancer at this point, and all what he taking are extremely strong pain killers to help him with the pain. This morning, he was put on breathing assistance devices.

I’m stuck here and can’t travel at this point of pregnancy, it’s killing me to be away, I want to see him, I want to hug my mom, I want to set next to his head and just look at him.

Pray for him, pray for all of us!

لا إله الا الله الحليم الكريم .. لا اله الا الله العلي العظيم
لا إله الا الله رب السماوات السبع و رب العرش العظيم
لا إله إلا الله وحده لا شريك له
له الملك .. و له الحمد و هو على كل شيء قدير
الحمد لله الذي لا إله إلا هو .. و هو للحمد أهل .. و هو على كل شيء قدير
و سبحان الله .. و لا إله إلا الله .. و الله أكبر .. و لا حول و لا قوة إلا بالله
إلهي
أذهب البأس رب الناس ، اشف و أنت الشافي ، لا شفاء إلا شفاؤك ، شفاءً لا يغادر سقماً
إلهي
أذهب البأس رب الناس ، بيدك الشفاء ، لا كاشف له إلا أنت .. يارب العالمين آمين
إلهي
إني أسألك من عظيم لطفك وكرمك و سترك الجميل أن تشفيه و تمده بالصحة و العافية
إلهي
لا ملجأ و لا منجا منك إلا إليك .. إنك على كل شيء قدير
اللهم اشفه شفاء ليس بعده سقما ابدا..اللهم خذ بيده اللهم احرسه بعينيك التى لا تنام
و اكفه بركنك الذى لا يرام و احفظه بعزك الذى لا يُضام .و اكلأه فى الليل و فى النهار
و ارحمه بقدرتك عليه ّ.أنت ثقته و رجائه يا كاشف الهم . يا مُفرج الكرب يا مُجيب دعوة
المُضطرين .اللهم البسه ثوب الصحة والعافية عاجلا غير اجلا ياأرحم الراحمين
اللهم اشفه اللهم اشفه اللهم اشفه..اللهم امين

A friend of mine who just started reading my blog wanted to share her story on my blog, she shared on her facebook and emailed me asking if I can post it on my blog for her, I loved it and wanted to share it with the rest of you as I know that our blogsphere is not used to these kind of posts, she lives a special situation a lot of us might not understand, she is a friend to our family and I met her a year back when she first came to Seattle, a newlywed mom as we call her here, a nice lady from Jordan trying to start a family here in the states….

Her story in her own words:

“” As a little girl I watched with starry eyes the stories of princesses. Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow white, and I loved these stories and were dreaming about the day I will meet my prince the same way they did, to become this princess or queen in the end of the story. As a little girl, that is what I pictured.

Fast-forward ten years and here I am, not the princess or even the queen, I’m the *gasp* STEPMOTHER.

No little girl every aspires to be a stepmother. Not many of us enter the dating world thinking, “I’m going to find me a divorced man with kids.” But sometimes God has other plans for us.

There are bad people everywhere. There are bad parents of all sorts. But man, do stepmothers get the bad rap. And the truth is, a lot of us were not the other woman, are very much in love with our husbands and would go to the ends of the earth for our stepchildren. We often work harder to raise our stepchildren than our own children because it is so much harder to be a stepparent. AND we fight harder to keep our marriages together because we know the statistics on second-marriages and we have far many more forces working against us than the typical couple.

I’m ashamed to admit it, but sometimes I am embarrassed to admit I am a stepmom. Not because I don’t love my step son, but because there are some days when I simply lack the energy to deal with the “Oh’s” and inevitable “So how do you get along with the boy?” line of questioning. These exchanges always leave me clammering to prove that I’m really the good one, because let’s face it, whenever someone finds out you’re a stepmom, they immediately look at you sideways and dig for information so you can explain yourself.

Here’s my beef: I never tried to replace my stepsons’ mom. I didn’t insert myself into her place and push her out—I filled in where she chose to leave. I have spent more time with her child over the past 2 years than she has. I took my stepson pants to school when he wet himself in Kindergarten. I wiped his tears on his first day of school last year when he was extremely scared to go. I helped him learn how to read. I stayed up so many night when he got his tonsils removed while he was crying from pain. Despite all of this, I am a second class citizen. People look at me sideways simply because I am the stepmom. They assume she loves them more. They assume I don’t love him at all. They treat me like I threaten his very parenthood.

I know it is all going to be okay in the end. I know that people have no clue what kind of bond I have with my stepson. I know what they think doesn’t really matter. I’m just feeling down in the dumps about it all today…..

I’m waiting for Disney to step up to the plate and make that loveable animated feature where the stepmom is the good guy. What do you think the chances are that they will ever depict a divorced family where the BM is psycho? I realize it isn’t very Hollywood, but it is very real for a lot of us. I would love to hear new script ideas……””

I have a job where I work with people. I work hard at what I do and I think that I have been successful. Because I am around so many people over the course of my day, I get a fair sampling of how people interact with other people.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people walk through this world looking at everyone as though they have mirrored glasses on. They travel each day looking everyone in the face, but all they can really see is themselves being reflected back. They miss how they affect other people because they are too busy being concerned with how other people affects them.

Usually, self-centeredness is only a symptom of a greater problem. Low self-esteem and poor social skills make these people constantly paranoid. Because they are unable to deal with the world at face value, they are compulsively manipulative and often dishonest. While I believe that the trauma of divorce and other broken relationships can lead to all of these personality flaws, I also believe that some people just turn out this way because of upbringing.

The hardest part of dealing with people like this is knowing that they will never be able to see things from your point of view. Reasoning with them is like explaining the Theory of Relativity to a toddler; they won’t get any part of what you are saying because they can’t get past the words coming out of your mouth and the tone you are speaking them in.

To these people, the emotions they feel are just as concrete as facts and logic, and are often more important. How something makes them feel far outweighs any other aspect of a situation. Their concept of “fair” extends only as far as how they feel and how they are affected by a certain situation.

Ironically, for all the gazing these people do into their own reflection, they almost never really see themselves truly. The image they see is the one they want to see. The one they want everyone else to see. Their image is completely detached from their actions because they are never responsible for anything bad that goes wrong. They are victims. Everyone is out to get them.

Sadly, these people never have real friends for long. They are masters of alienation. They convince themselves that anyone who disagrees with them never really cared about them and is therefore unworthy of their time and attention.

Do you know someone like this?

We have 38 days to go for you inside my tummy, as much as I’m extremely excited to meet you,  and hold your tiny body between my arms, I’m also worried that I will miss the feeling of you kicking inside me, you can be tiring at times, but I still enjoy every second of it.

We have everything ready for you, your clothes are all ready for you, and your crib is waiting for you in our room, we can’t wait till you join us, you will be the perfect Christmas gift for both of us, the addition that will complete our family.

Baba enjoys playing with you every night; he loves the fact that you follow his hand whenever he puts it on my tummy, he gets excited when he sees you moving actively whenever you hear his voice, looks like you will be daddy’s girl ya mama :)

I still dream about how you will look like almost every day, I wish I can have a clear image on how you look like, will you look like me or like your baba? I’m trying to imagine how will it be if you look like both of us… my eyes or his? My hair or his? My lips or his? My hands or his? Can’t wait to see all that.

I still don’t believe that you’ll be here in 38 days; I hope that you’ll be a good baby, you know that Teeta can’t make it to Seattle due to Seedo’s illness, Baba also won’t be able to stay with us for a long time because he has to go back to work, so it will be me and you most of time, hope things will go well with both of us.

I love you so much, even before I meet you, you’re the only person I loved before even knowing, it’s an amazing feeling, may god bless you and protect you always.

Your mama

I got it a while back, I was supposed to tell everybody about it, but I got so emotional the only thing I thought about at that time was to send Kinzi an email and thank her personally, I was crying my eyes out, even Samer got a little emotional when he read it, an amazing story, it’s a must read people, for everybody, not just expecting moms and dads. Thank you Kinzi for the amazing gift :)

I was reading yesterday that it’s her 18th anniversary, Happy anniversary Kinzi, I wish Samer and I will be be just like you guys after 18 years together :)
You’re a wonderful person, inside and out, all the prayers you always send  for me, my family, and my dad, a very sensitive person,  I hope I can meet you in person one day :)

Wish you and your family the best always, and thank you again for the wonderful gift, it means a lot to us :)

Not only she amazes us with her great recipies, but I also ask her advice with a lot of things regarding my family and baby, she is the most experienced one in the blogsphere, she has one of the kindest hearts I’ve ever dealt with :) she tells what you need to know because she truly cares, and wishes the best for you.

Today as I walked through the door I found a big box, as I opened it I saw an awesome gift with a very sweet message from Summer and her husband :)

Summer, how can ever thank you for the time you spend chatting with me and listen to me mumbling all the time :) ? How can I thank you for the great advices you give me all the time? I can never thank you enough :)

Wish you and your family all the best all the time, you’re an awesome friend :)

 I came back from work to find this red nice box waiting for me at the door; I opened the card to see a very sweet message from the sweet Whisper :)

I can’t tell you how glad I am to be surrounded with the sweetest people on earth :) it’s an amazing feeling wallahi … you guys are so sweet, I can’t thank you guys enough, it truly feels so great, baby Mira won’t believe it  how great it was to have her, and how awesome mommy and daddy’s friends and loved ones are, I’m saving all these cute little cards for her when she grows up :D
Whisper, Thank you so much , inshalla ya rabbi 3o2bal ma nefra7 feeki :) you’re so cute!

This has to be one of the worst iPhone apps I have ever seen.  Booooooooooooooo to the developer.  You stink!  We women are too smart to fall for this.  Seriously.

stupid stupid app!!!