Maioush

Today I met a new friend over the phone, a friend I wanted to talk to since a started following her blog, and especially when I knew that she is here in California, the sweet Nido :) …

She was as sweet as I expected her to be :) … very calm voice, very soft laugh, the same way I imagined her character :D … and she told me that my voice matches my blog character too .. (7ashashe LOOOOOOOOL :D ) …

We had a very nice talk, about Jordan and friends and families there, life over here in
California, and a lot of other things :) .

Nido, I really enjoyed talking to you today and I hope to meet you in person soon, you’re such a sweetheart :) … and I’m sure we will have a lot of fun ;) …

I’m sorry because I’m not as good as you deserve, I’m sorry because I could be a reason for your tears , sorry because I’m not a reason for your happiness.. and because you can find excuse while I can’t because you are always there while I’m not although I want to be…. and because I’m not sure I’m doing the right thing….

I’ve never thought that getting involved like this might be so hard!!

Sometimes I feel I’m not allowed to fall in love.. I mean it seems to be something more than impossible to me, not because its hard, actually I believe love is the easiest and in the same time the greatest thing could happen for us, but the thing is I have a different look about it .. I mean its just some kind of feelings that the eyes I’m going to fall in love with, are not going to be mine.. I want to avoid this suffer by another suffer, which is being away of love, though I maybe living it…

Its all about wishing the best for you.. I mean I want you to be with someone who deserve you, someone who knows what kind of wonderful and adorable person you are.. believe that your lovely smile would make her happy for ever, and avoid causing you tears because it kills her…

I guess I’m sorry because I’m being me.. and you being you, and what great are you…

Ok here is the story…

I went to the dental lab to finish some paper work to the pharmacy, I’ve never been to the dental lab before although I’ve been working at the same place for almost a year, any way, I saw my best friend at dental Dr.M and we started talking… all of a sudden some guy jumped up in my face to tell me in a very heavy Arabic accent “Anti Jameela”…

I was thinking in my head “who the hell are you???? And how on earth did you know I speak Arabic???”, but instead I smiled and said “well thank you”

-haza qelada jameela maktoob “Allah”, ana mabsoot b marefatek…

-“ooooooooh so it’s my necklace… taeyb” … thank you sir ::fake smile::

–Dr.M: Mai, you speak Arabic very well, maybe you can help him learn it more, he is crazy about your language.

-na’am ana ohebo el alabeya kateeran, o oreed ana ata’alam.

-actually I’m not sure I can do this, “trying to get out of it politely, ana msh na2esni sara7a, roo7 t3alam b3eed dada”

That’s when he started talking back in English…

-let me just show you something please, it won’t take a minute, I know you are busy, but please just a minute

– ok, yeah I guess

People… the guys has bunch of Arabic dictionaries and books… he has an Arabic writing on his desk.. He is a FREAK!!!!

-yeah good for you, but you know I should get going.. I have a lot of work to do, I’ll see you around

-ajal sawfa araki fi el saydali

-“nervous laugh” yeah sure ok

and then he started coming to the pharmacy every 30min, either to talk to me, or to ask me something in Arabic, ALTHOUGH, the lab tech next to us is Egyptian!!! Duuuuuh

Everybody started bugging me about him, I was pretty embarrassed, so I decided to switch with the other tech and went to the hospital side of the pharmacy, but he found his way to me, and kept telling me his life story, and he how started his passion about Arabic, and he looooves the Arabic beauty, while I was busy trying to get my work done, but that didn’t stop him from coming every 15min….

Seriously, I appreciate people who tries to learn new stuff, and I I’m really faltered by the fact that he loves my language.. but man… he is over doing it… er7amni

His gentle presence touched her life some time ago.

His smile warmed the dark recesses of her heart.

She watched him move, cloistered behind her own grief and pain, and yearned to know him better.

They touched each other’s lives but briefly.

Each moving quickly in his own direction.

The time had passed, she thought, the opportunity gone, to share her spirit with his.

But destiny had other ideas.

When it was least expected, she found a way to wind their paths towards each other again.

Now she finds her wings spread wide and his essence gives flight to her spirit.

What will come?

What shall be?

Only destiny herself knows.

But she rejoices in the day and delight in the night’s share of stars and light.

And in the simple touch of one person’s soul to another’s.

Today I’m touching a matter I’ve never thought I would talk about in my whole life…

United states of America has a very serious problem with over crowded prisons, most prisons was built very long time ago to fit 1000 inmates or so, while the truth is they actually 8000 inmates in those prisons.

I know that not a lot of people really care about this issue, but I’ve been watching it all over the news lately, looks like it’s getting a serious problem, that the judge will role on it next June, they are considering to FREE those inmates because they don’t know where to put them any more.

People have 2 different ideologies when it comes to prisons:

1.This is a place to punish them, don’t give them any thing.

2.Fix them, and send them back as better people.

Now in my opinion, drug users, mentally ill people can be fixed, and there is hope for them, but killers, child molesters, and other cases can’t really be fixed, those should stay there to keep the rest of the world safe.

But do you have any ideas what’s actually happing on those prisons? Those people get mixed up in what they call receiving centers, and that causes another huge problem I will not talk about today.

Republicans are saying that they want to clean the streets from all these people, but they are not working on the prisons system at all, all what they want is to get these inmates out of their sight, but they never thought about the over crowding that these prisons are having, and the problems that comes with it, it requires new buildings, new systems all over the systems, medications issues.

Looks like when Arnold Schwarzenegger decided to be the governor for California didn’t really think about the prisons there, or I guess he thought it’s something like what he used to act in Hollywood.

Was there a part of her that you once embraced?Was there ever a time when your heart reached out to hers and held tightly to it?

Was there never real sentiment there?
Was it only an illusion cast by your pain and insecurities?

Was there ever a time when the thought of you together made you smile?
When “you” warmed your heart with the anticipation and excitement of what was to come?

Did you ever look back with regret once she was gone?
Did you ever wonder what might have been, had you only tried a little harder… waited a little longer… opened yourself a little more?

Did causing her pain ever make you question your decisions?

Did she ever matter in the equation of your life?

Do you understand…?

Do you have a clue…?

As to how she is hurt?

And does that matter to you at all?

She had only her love to offer you.

Only her heart to give.

Not a great scholar or person of wealth.

Only someone who loved you more than they could ever love themselves.

Someone who wasn’t quite enough.

Someone who still stands here, remembering the good, trusting in the person you were… and loving you still.

Someone who is very foolish…

But someone touched by so much love that time and distance seem not to fade it.

Someone who gave you a heart full of compassion and joy…  and who hasn’t been able to claim it back…  and isn’t certain it should be.

Did you ever love her?

Your friends tell her no.

Did you ever love her?

Her heart is calling out for answers… for if you really loved her…

Why did you go?

Why?

That was the last sentence between the 2 of them, and that’s when she got lost between words, she didn’t know what to respond any more, her eyes were full of tears since the beginning of the conversation, is she really being blamed and being mad at because she is too simple and innocent? “People around you know you very well, and they use you for it, and they even use it against you.
What kind of world are we living in?? I thought that being simple, innocent, and down to earth is an advantage in your personality, being honest, and not double faced, all of this suppose to be listed under the good thing in your personality, but instead she is being blamed for it, and she has to work on changing these things in her personality if she wants to survive, and to get people’s trust… wait a minute… people’s trust????
The last time I checked people liked people who are really simple, innocent, and easy to talk to, and now she had been told that people don’t like that any more “she might say something, in an innocent way, and they will use it against her (because they actually did, and if didn’t se in own eyes I wouldn’t even mention it).
Since that conversation ended, she got confused, what should she do now? Should she talk to them? Looks like a bad idea because they don’t like people when they go straight to them and ask, they will deny it.. should she hide that she knows and act like nothing is going on… there is one problem though … she doesn’t know how to do so…

I’m posting this from my uncles backyard, the weather is just wonderful, about 68º, we had a wonderful lunch (Mashawi and steaks), my dad requested a very old song for سيد درويش called ما تفوتنيش انا وحدي (and that should put you in a good mood of you like all kinds of music).

we just had great Warbat, and we are having great time :D , and Em Fad3ous just reminded me that the only thing that I’m missing is Argeelleh ( (can’t have it, we have pregnant woman people), but it’s ok, I’m still having great time :D .

Alright.. catch you guys later ;)

Everyone meet the 3 years old Ihab :D

He is the youngest sun for my friends Inan and Wissam in Spain

Inan was talking to me last night and told me that Ihab felt asleep while eating :D, I didn’t believe her.. I thought she meant he was so sleepy and she said it as a figure of speech (you know how we say Nam o howi 2a3ed mn kotr el na3as), it didn’t cross my mind that he actually did :D

• – Yalla mama finish your food so you can take a shower and sleep, Yalla Habeebi
• – NOOOOOOOO, I’m still hungry, I want to finish my food mama
• – Tayeb yalla ya mama, hurry up, let me help you eat
• – La2 La2, I’m a grownup man, I want to eat by myself
• – (Wissam): leave him Inan, let him learn how to do things by himself

They left him for 5 minutes to come back and see this :D …

This kid is something LOOOOOOOOOOL, I was laughing at the pictures for more than an hour :D … kids can be sooooooooooo adorable LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL :D

Tonight is a full moon night :) , I don’t know what’s with me and full moon, it has this magical effect on my mood, even when I’m really down, having a walk on the full moon light would make a huge change on my mood.

For some reason, all the people who knows me well remembers me when ever they see a full moon, I’ve always been the one who makes a big deal every month about it :) , I would call and ask them to go to the nearest window, or step out of the house, to look at it and see how beautiful it looks, moonlight creates an aura of unreality which seems to transport me from the bad mood and liberates my cheerful instinct.

And tonight I had a walk under the full moon light, I haven’t done that in a looooooooong time, I got used to spend the night looking at it from my room window, but tonight, I had a special date with the moon :) , I really miss that, I miss how it used to make me feel, it’s such a wonderful feeling.

maybe it’s a part of my personality that I like things to be clear and complete around me, I’ve always liked to see the complete pictures for everything in my life, and that includes my way of dealing with people, my relationships, and myself as well.

Yeah, I never thought about it before, but I guess that’s who I am, frank, honest, and don’t know how to hide things, and that’s what puts me in trouble most of the time.

Now that brings me the question, is it true that people around us are like the moon phases?? Some of them are totally hiding behind things, you will never see the real then no matter how close you get to them, others are like half moon, you will never see their other half, or as they say “they tell you what they want to tell you and what you want to hear”, and others are a full moon, they are like what we describe as an open book too, you can see a complete picture when you look at them…

Its weird how the moon makes me think….