Can’t let go…
I’m a stubborn person and I’ll probably always be one. The easiest thing to do is to tell me that I can’t do something and I will do it. That, except climb mount Everest (hah!). Nah, it’s true what a friend said before, if I really cared I would have done something about it and that’s the same for any other person who has some sort of defect whether it’s body odor, crooked teeth, flaky skin, dandruff, shitty hair, horrible clothes, etc. If you really cared about your image and all that, you would take care of it but that’s fine.
Anyway I’m a stubborn person who doesn’t know when to quit. I should probably quit now and instead of trying to push for medicine with my mediocre grades, a wonderful remnant of my partying days, and just accept the fact that I’ll be lucky with an office job and all that sort of thing. It’s just accepting defeat which is so hard for me. I shouldn’t have to, and I’m not going to until the very end. I’m going to keep trying until I get in, even if it kills me because I know I’ll be brilliant. There’s things in life you just can’t let go, things you should fight for no matter how bleak the outcome seems to be. I should give up but I can’t, which is probably one of the worst things about me.
I don’t know when to stop arguing, I’ve had debates with friends that have lasted over the span of weeks, and some of them are still unresolved. I don’t know when to say, ok, that’s it. I’m like that for many other aspects of my life as well. It gets a little tiring and yet, it is the very thing that drives me. Then again, I’m just justifying myself over things that I really should get over but can’t.
The hardest thing for me is to let go. There are some things in my life that I should get over that is hindering me from developing as a person. I’m sure my older readers may remember brief posts about some experiences that I’ve shared. I can’t get over them, but I will. I still have nightmares about some things that happened to me in the past, but they’ll stop eventually. I’ll get better, in fact, I am better than when I first started this blog. Healing process and all that. It’s over and I should get on with my life.
April 10th, 2008 at 1:35 PM
April 10th, 2008 at 10:19 PM
April 11th, 2008 at 4:08 PM