LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!

A guy was telling his friend that he and his wife had a serious argument the night before.“But it ended,” he said, “when she came crawling to me on her hands and knees.”“What did she say?” asked the friend.The husband replied, “She said, ‘Come out from under that bed, you coward!’”

2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

3. Taxis stop for us.

4. We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

5. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo.

6. We don’t have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

7. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.

8. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

9. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

10. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.

11. We will never regret piercing our ears.

12. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

13. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren’t listening anyway.

I heard this story long long time ago, and for some reason I remembered it tonight, well let me admit.. I can’t sleep and I need to write something funny, because my mind is going 1000mph and where else can I go but here

A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park.

What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was!

Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.

Right to a McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, Pepsi, and M&Ms.

What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

He leaned over and lovingly, asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being six again?”

One eye opened. “You idiot, I meant my dress size.”

The moral of this story: Even when the man is listening, he’s still gonna get it wrong.

2. There would be a cure for stretch marks.

3. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.

4. Morning sickness would rank as the nation’s #1 health problem.

5. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.

6. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.

7. Men would be eager to talk about commitment.

8. They wouldn’t think twins were so cute.

9. Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM.

10. Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.

11. Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.

12. They’d stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.

13. Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entrees.

14. Women would rule the world.

2. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

3. Men are very confident people. My brother is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from the living room, and if they’re really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

4. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

5. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. Women should sleep with one under the pillow, instead of a gun.

6. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

7. All men hate to hear “We need to talk about our relationship.” These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.

8. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

9. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

10. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

11. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I’ve never seen a man walk into a party and say “Oh my, I’m so embarrassed; get me out of here. There’s another man wearing a black tuxedo.”

12. Most men hate to shop. That’s why the men’s department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

13. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

14. If you’re dating a man who you think might be “Mr. Right,” if he  a) got older , b) got a new job , c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.

15. No man is charming all of the time. Even George Clooney is on record saying he wished he could be George Clooney.

16. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

17. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

18. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.

19. Most women are introspective: “Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?” Most men are outrospective: “Did my team win? How’s my car?”

20. If a man says, “I’ll call you,” and he doesn’t, he didn’t forget… he didn’t lose your number… he didn’t die. He just didn’t want to call you.

21. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. “Get out” and “I never want to see you again” might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, “I love you… I want to marry you… I want to have your children.” Sometimes they leave skid marks.

22. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

23. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause – you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

24. Men forget everything; women remember everything.

25. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened.

Amman changed so many things in you Q, you are not the man we know any more, I’m disappointed sara7a!

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Listen man, I’m kidding mesh tsade2, my laptop went crazy and I got this when I opened your blog