It’s been ages since I wrote in this blog, I had so much to share but I just didn’t want to write anything after my last post, I just open it and stare at my post about praying for my father (Allah yer7amo) and kinda live the dream of him being alive for few moments, it still feels like a bad dream, everything just happened so fast.
My father (Allah yer7amo) left us on New Year’s morning, exactly 1 year after he was diagnosed with cancer, he lost the battle so fast, his body got weaker and weaker until he eventually gave up.
People keep on telling me stories about how other people (some time younger ones) died because of cancer, my father (Allah yer7amo) was only 55 when he left us, and my answer always is (kol wa7ad waja3o boja3o) I’m sure the families of those people are not singing and dancing either.
Other people keep on telling me that it will get better as time goes by, truth is it hurts more and more as time goes by, I miss him more and more every day, I’ve been in denial for the past 2 months, but after spending some time with my mom in our house, I miss him soooooo much, I miss him coming back from work, I miss him going out in the backyard for a smoke, I miss him laying on that couch in front of the TV, I miss his place in the dining table, I miss his voice, his look, I miss listening to him pray and read Quran , I miss him smelling his perfume and after shave, every morning when I wake up.
No words can describe what I’m going through, no one will understand what I feel, unless you lost a parent, you won’t really know how heart breaking and painful this is.
My one and only wish was to see him even for 1 day before he left, I wanted to show him my daughter, I wanted him to say (Athan)) in her ear, I wanted him to hold her even for one minute and tell him that you are a seedo now, this is your first granddaughter, he left us when Mira was only 6 days old, he didn’t get the chance to see her or hold her, it really breaks my heart.
Baba, I miss you so much, I just hope and pray for god that you are much much happier where you are now, may god rest your soul in peace and open all heaven doors for you. I ask almighty god to let you rest in peace.